Adapted from a letter I wrote a friend:

It was Spurgeon who said that (and I paraphrase) he couldn't imagine bearing any suffering not carefully measured out by the Father's hand. I believe in not only a big God but a Sovereign God. Every facet of my life from my conception to my death has been planned. We talked of preparing our hearts for famine - but we should already have our hearts prepared for suffering whatever its form - famine may come next year, but our husbands may not come through the door tonight or our sons may be taken from us tomorrow. I endeavor to learn to hold everything in open hands so that whether I have or have not, nothing but the blood of Christ owns my soul. If food rules me, may I starve. If creature comforts, may I ache. If air, may I die. These are not easy things to say - my flesh quivers in fear but I say them so that through repetition, my mind, which agrees with my Lord, will be brought into subjection also.

John Piper says we ought to have a theology of suffering so that when it comes we are not tossed about. I believe that God has seen every tear I will cry and every plea my tongue will make and has placed benediction upon it. I know that i am infinitely loved by a God who is passionate about His glory and will not abandon me though I sit in a pit as John Bunyan did or if I am tortured as our Chinese brothers and sisters. My perseverance is promised by the very tongue of our King. He has saved me from American consumerism (though a fight remains) - He will not abandon me in my darkest hour whenever that may be. This is how I can say in all confidence that if you are found in Christ, you too will finish the race.

We will cry tears of pain and we may lack clarity in those moments - but we will not lose our God who upholds us by His might right hand. Oh that we may one day be of such stalwart faith that we can say as Sarah Edwards did that we will kiss the rod and cover our mouths in awe of a God who is unfathomable and yet shows to us His inner thoughts. I rest in the promise that every tear shed will be a gem in our holy crowns that we will place at the Lamb's feet - the One who created us, named us, called us, saved us, and will glorify us.

This is where I prepare my heart - not in particular suffering, but in a deep ocean of comfort in knowing that I am promised to finish the race - the race already won. I am not promised tomorrow or comforts or family or friends or even air. I am promised Christ - supremely valuable. Thus saith the Lord.